Of Gods, Temples and Faith..

I am a theist ( Thats apparently the word. But it's more like the opposite of an atheist and I don't think I am the opposite of an atheist). Anyways, I believe in God. In quite a lot of them. They are fascinating. And also helpful and comforting, when there be need.
We have the Gods and Super Gods. The Super Gods are the most popular ones. Especially here in India.
Then there are temples- the more famous ones, which enshrine Super Gods and are all-powerful. One trip and all your wishes come true. We prioritize our wishes. The most important and needed ones are reserved for the Super Gods.

Oh, the pointlessness of it all, at times.. I go to the temple and see so many people, immersed in their prayers, asking God to provide cure and bounty. The rich and poor, the literate and the illiterate, they all seek panaceas. Its reassuring and disturbing at the same time. So many of us, placing the responsibility of our lives on One Super Being and leaving it all, almost. Why do we seek what is within us outside? Does the very presence of it outside us make it more powerful for us? We don’t have faith in our own selves but a God.

And why the need for temples? We have our own Gods at our places and do our daily worship? But does that extra effort put in to go and worship shows more devotion on our side? My mom used to say that more the difficulties and struggle you go through to “see” / “visit” God, the more pleased he’ll be with yourself. And even if that doesn’t happen, you’ve probably done too much struggle to deny it. We keep convincing ourselves.

Is it that we are looking for a refuge? Its easier to put the blame on destiny, luck, God and “the mysterious ways in which he works” when something doesn’t happen in the desired manner. I myself find comfort when I go to a temple. Maybe its conditioned in me. But I don’t want to fight it- not when I voluntarily chose to go there and seek something. I do not seek all the answers to life or truth or any such thing. Its those simple and silliest of wishes that we ask for- all that lie more within our power than anyone else’s. But still we do worship and pray. I personally like to go to small obscure temples where there’s not much crowd and its more peaceful. I can also justify it with the fact there are less prayers competing for God’s attention. However, I also reserve the important prayers for Super Gods and do my 5/ 7/11 Tuesdays at Siddhivinayak. My God knows I’m selfish. I think all Gods know that. Hence, they came to be.

But then, I look at all these “followers” and “believers” and ask if I have any right to question their faith? But I’m questioning my own faith isn’t it? And if I question it- do I have any faith at all? But then what is faith? Does its scope lie only within its defined meaning of complete, unfaltering trust? Isn't believing enough? I am a believer. But should that imply that I don’t question?
But how can I not question? There is no commandment forbidding us to think and question. Even if there were, would we follow it? Its not convenient.
It all boils down to three things: Convenience, Selfishness, and Fear.
Doesn’t it?

I have to pack and leave. I'm not sure why exactly I'm not exceedingly happy to leave for home.

I've been thinking, wondering, pondering, coming to my own confused conclusions, and through all of that, I think I'm still confused... about love, beliefs, people and what we tell others about our lives. Love is just another name for dependence and is mundane. Its glorified into beauty and romance in movies and books.
But I read this letter,

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/book_extracts/article2651472.ece

and I realize its not just fiction that provides you that escape. Infact, is there any need to seek escape? I wonder why and where to do I want to escape?

Coming back to love and all things therefore, yes I think it is selfish and dependent and the act of getting used to someone's presence in our lives constitutes love for us. But then, whats wrong with it? Who defines love as something which has to be stars and goats and all those fancy things only?? The very fact that you are attracted to someone and the more you come to know them, the more fallacies you find, and yet you chose to stick along with that life of predictability - couldnt that be love in itself?? Even if you are doing so for the selfish reason of being in your comfort zone and other such reasons, the by-product of that act of selfishness does seem to forgive your intention or a lack of a noble intention, doesn't it?

So.. I think yes love is there. Those "awww.. so beautiful" type of love stories too happen in real life.. But maybe we have to make a choice if we want to stick through it or not. The headrush of present. Or that slow comprehension and realization in the future.

Souls..

We were talking about souls last evening. And this morning too.
Mystic Baba says all souls are the same.
He didn’t say anything about them living forever.

Are we new souls? Or old?
They say after your death, your soul lives on. Lives on, in where?
Where does it seek refuge? Does the soul not need a body as a body needs a soul? Where do new souls come from? So how many old souls are walking on this earth?And Why?
Does it have any purpose for carrying on? Or is it bound by its nature?What is its nature, then? Is it the soul's nature that we manifest in our behavior? Or is it our actions and thought that shape our soul and its nature? What differentiates one soul from another- its nature? If all the souls were the same, won't we all be the same?

Consider the Law of Conservation of matter and energy: Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can be transformed from one form to another. The total amount of energy remains constant.
Our souls also are a part of energy aren’t they? They say, we will be nothing without our soul, which means that our soul is the most important factor that keeps us alive and going and hence I assume it is our energy. The essence within all of us…
If new souls are added every second to this earth, where does their energy come from?
Are they feeding away from the soul under which they are born? Souls- they too depend on others.
Does your soul get eroded as you age such that by your death it is diminished to the lowest form, wandering and seeking, the answers that you were looking all your life..?
Do they take the form of ghosts therefore..?

If they don’t live forever.. what happens to them? Do they just get lost in a whiff of air and the flow of water?

Too many questions. Should I ask Mystic Baba to kindly enlighten?