Tuesday, December 18, 2007

How Populairty kills Creativity.


As my last post said, I’m running out of creativity as also of reasons to put the blame on. Being utterly jobless, I resorted to my 2nd most visited website (first being orkut I’m ashamed to admit). And I put creativity to search and this is one of the images which popped up.

It was so simple yet so true and enlightening at the same moment. Its my “wallpaper for a long time”.

Yes, Popularity is killing all creativity. Rather the popular media. TV, Internet, Cell phones, ipods, and all those things that keep you away from the real world.

I must make it clear outright that I’m not against advancement of technology. I’m glad there are these medium to bring people together, even tough it sorts of backfires at places.

TV from being a mode of disseminating information and a bit of entertainment on the side, has turned out to be this monster which has everyone and anyone addicted to it. Its worse than drugs. Yes, you may not watch TV, but you download all those series and stuff and watch them obsessively either ways. Here again, I must say some of them are really good- the TV stuff, but how can you watch them again and again and with such dedication? Reality TV is the worst thing happening to mankind. It’s the most distorted form of reality being fed to millions who accept anything that comes their way. It’s the most gruesome intrusion on privacy and a perfect example of how nobody’s business is everybody’s business.

Then there’s the internet. Second life, virtual reality, orkut and all sorts of networking, cool gizmo sites- all cool stuff man. But at what price? I’m sure there are more lonely depressed chronic schizophrenics now in the world than ever before. The internet seems to be the panacea to all our miseries in life. We allow the hidden monster to come to fore here. Take my own example for instance, years ago when I was bored or frustrated I was with friends (face to face conversations in the real world), reading books, and writing in my diary. Now I chat on gtalk or on my cell or I blog (I’m not complaining at all here). I’ve met some really brilliant people on the internet and met them in real life too. And I’m grateful for that. But then I hear so many of them call the internet their best friend and how they are married to the screen in front of them.

Then we have our favorites- cell phones and ipods. When I see people walking alone ( or even when they have company), they are chattering away on their cells or listening to their music on their players. What did people do when they didn’t have these? They just walked right? Maybe thought about life and stuff and came up with some great works of art and literature. All the man-hours spent on these gadgets- I’m sure takes away all the time share for grey matter to exercise. What if all those news items regarding brain and oral cancers due to usage of cell phones turned out to be true and not just a pile of rat droppings?

In the good old days, when there were no such media to “ bring people closer” I think we were better off. We had more time on our hands. We did our work, met people and had a good time and when we had leisure, we pondered and thought and thus philosophers came. It was a good time to have such people who devoted their life to think about the world and universe and life and birds and bees and humans and ethics and society and all those things that now we find easily on Wikipedia. Knowledge is power and we have it our fingertips, literally. But somewhere we are losing our imagination. Someone had once said ( I think it was Einstein) : Imagination is more important than knowledge. We’re losing that by the day. We have some creativity left, but it doesn’t seem all that refreshingly fresh. We are becoming a generation of androids glued to screens, every waking moment of their lives.

If we think of philosophers, most people, or atleast I would, think of Plato, Socrates, Nietzsche, Marx, Machiavelli, et al. I can’t recall any of the modern ones as such except maybe Albert Camus, Sartre and Bertrand Russel. And I’ve only just heard of them.
This list maybe helpful: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_Western_philosophers
Same of writers, http://gutenberg.net.au/greatest-books-a.html
Go to the end of the list and try to find out how many and how much do you know about them ( not that you’d know a lot about the old ones). And somehow if you see the timeline for invention and widespread use of technology and media-
TV- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Televison
Internet- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Internet
Cell Phones- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_mobile_phones
Ipods - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPod

- you’ll find some link between the lack of creative greats in this era and that of increasing dependence on such media.

I could be completely wrong in my opinions here. Maybe I’m biased in restricting creativity to writers and philosophers. Maybe I’m handicapped by my own lack of knowledge about today’s literary icons and intellectuals. Maybe these guys would be legends for the generations to come. But something tells me Shakespeare would still be more famous and acclaimed than Rushdie. And I’m sure really intelligent and widely read and omniscient persons will find this rubbish, but then hell its my blog :P. All I'm trying to convey here is that this age of " being connected 24/7" seems to rob us of any creativity that we could possess. I do not mean that the internet and others don't allow us to be creative. What I intend here is to point out that, there is an over-exposure to lots of attractive things on these media and we get distracted and are sucked into a whirlpool of instant entertainment and gratification and don't really sit down to to ponder and express and explore our own creative talents to the fullest. Well, that's about it, I guess. I have to wake up early tomorrow.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

A beginning.

Let me just type. Let me just write. I do not know what will result from this exercise.

But I need to do it, nevertheless. I hate not being able to write. That was my only outlet.

I feel suffocated, strangled, drowned, tied up and restless without it. There’s this inexplicable tightness clutching at my heart and I have no clue why and how to deal with it. There are these moments when you are restless and nervous. As if you know there’s something miserable waiting to happen, just around the corner and you don’t know what to do when you are face to face with it. That is how I feel. Any given moment when I’m not busy doing nothing important. Its physiological, mental, psychological and a lot of other things. There’s no word for it, yet.

There are no dreams. My mind’s become barren. Imagination has become infertile.

Does growing old do that to you?

Those days, when you were bursting with innocence, hormones, feelings, wishes. Those musings, pouring of words and tears, smiling into space thinking about nothing and everything, and those escapades into unreality- where have they gone?

The artist inside has ceased existing. There was no space for life. It was crowded with ambitions, mundane aims, selfish needs and walls. Walls around my heart, soul, mind. Nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Forever locked. Frozen. Yet burning within me every moment.

This is so juvenile. Still, its necessary.

There is this canvas waiting to be filled. But it remains white. White is a color? Or there’s such darkness that its black, impenetrable. Even grey fails to come on it.

Is it just that my outlets have closed or do I have nothing to express?

Either ways, I feel un-alive.

The entire world is an illusion. Do I just tread through this illusion waiting for it to end on my death? Or do I live it out? I have to live it out. Breathe in the scents and dust. I want to feel pain and happiness. Immeasurable pain and indefinite happiness. And express it the way I want to.

Nothing is stopping me. But I find myself incapable.

Something within is dying. There is the optimist lying docile.

There’s so much I want to do, want to achieve. But they all seem meaningless now that I feel incapable of doing what I thought I was best at and loved to- to write.

Maybe its my fault- I am lazy. Despite that, I just feel incapable otherwise. Its as if I’ve become handicapped, lost my limbs or lungs or heart or just everything.

Being sad and hurt allowed me to vent it out and write. Pain helps. I tried, in vain.

I think its true. As they say, external wound and pain are superficial and its when the heart is bleeding with sorrow and grief and misery that you really suffer. The turmoil within is worse than the injuries on surface. But I don’t have either. I tried the latter- got my ears pierced again in an attempt to “feel” the pain. Needless to say, it didn’t help matters much.

Even loneliness is something that’s so detached. Yet so deeply entrenched into the psyche. I feel miserably lonely at times. That solitude doesn’t encourage any creativity.

I think I’ve run out of reasons, of miseries to put blame on for my incompetence.

Nothing seems to help.

And I resort to whining, which just tires you out and saps your creativity further.

Maybe I should just continue to write. Somewhere, sometime I’ll find a way out or a way in. I must force myself to write everyday. I have to let things affect me. See, hear, feel and experience. And express everything. Maybe that will help.

I have to keep trying. I must.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Balloons in the evening sky

lets release all the extra baggage in the evening sky. let these balloons take away all of that, somewhere far far away...
Technicolor Dreamboy

I don't really know what I was thinking when I got down to paint this on MS Paint.
No, I do not think this picture represents any inner needs or feelings or such bull.
It's just that I find drawing male faces harder than female faces, again no reason whatsoever as to why so.
Thats about it.

The picture's not really technicolor, is it?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

some christmas revelation

Today we celebrated Christmas in the hostel. It was fun in some way..
I don’t know.
I’ve forgotten what it is to be guilelessly happy.
Carefree. Just plain happy. In the moment.
I cannot remember the last time I’ve been happy with all my heart and soul.
Have I forgotten a part of life?
Have I forgotten a part of me in some distant past?
Have I forgotten how to live and smile and care and feel??
Have I forgotten?

I just feel empty on the inside at times.
Insipid. Uninspired. Indifferent.
That wasn’t me.
Where did I go?
Where did I lose myself?
Where did I hide it so safe that I can’t retrieve it back?
Where is the real me?

What is it to live life to the fullest?
What is it to give your all into something you believe in?
What is it to love someone madly, passionately?
What is it to lose yourself in something you know will break you someday?
What is it to be deliriously happy?
What is it?
Have I forgotten?
Or have I never known?


sumtime b4 christmas actually was-- hostel celebrations.. '06

christmastime's been always like this for me...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

hmmm.... love..??

Is love there?
yes it is.

Is it there for real?
yes it is.

Does true love happen once in a lifetime?
Yes, perhaps.

Is there such a thing as true love?
definitely so.

who could know?
a mother and wife, a husband and father, a boy and girl smitten, the stars, the leaves and the winds, many smiles, many sighs and many tears would hold testimony...

When would you know?
When it is meant to be...

Would you ever know ?
if im meant to be then yes mayb some day....


someday we'll know
if love can move mountains..
someday we'll know
why the sky is blue...
someday we'll know
why i wasnt meant for you...
someday you'll know
that i was the one for you...
...............
.... from the movie "A Walk to Remember"
(crazy song lyrics, or maybe i didnt get them alrite :P)

ahem..uh uh

Would i ever know what true love is ? for real?
if im lucky enough.. and a believer enough.

if you believe and believe with such a strength and conviction that could equal the certainty of day and night and of stars twinkling and flowers blooming... why, it would surely come true as sure as the lily springs in the pond...

or rather as Dr.Malone says...
"But it gradually seemed to me that I'd made myself believe something that wasn't true. I'd made myself believe that I was fine and happy and fulfilled on my own without the love of anyone else. Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit... "And then someone passed me a bit of some sweet stuff and I suddenly realized Ihad been to China. So to speak. And I'd forgotten it."



So mayb some of us have been in love and never known, never realised.
some of us have been luckily reminded and we've realised and have accepted love when it came our way again...
Some of us have never been in love but believe that yes maybe there is our true love waiting for us... and maybe we'll one day know what it is, we'll know how china is...
Or some of us may just go along never thinking about it, never questioning ourselves whether we believe or not, seek or not.. and love may just pass us by without knowing what we have missed..because what you've never had you'll never know how it is to miss it.. how it is to miss something that you've never had.....


there are times when im too much of a cynic, a pessimist and a non- believer..
but then there are those times...

when im just busy doing something and my winmap is going on.. i have some song going on in my mind wishing it would play but too indifferent externally to go on n put it on.. then by some divine intervention with the system my song comes on.. n as it plays i feel that thing-- where you feel that some one- my latop/ my gods/ my fates/ my luck someone just read my mind and did it for me... someone out there is listening to my every thought, every wish. every dream, every heartbeat...

sometimes whem im playing with this kid at my place.. i'm engrossed in every ation, every uttered word, every expression of his, he'd be on my lap and i'd be doing baby talk and he sleeps off in my lap.. i feel that thing... if i could feel so so much for some baby who's not even related to me, imagine the love of a mother- the sheer strength of it..

sometimes when i'm writing or reading and i think of those things written about love--surely those things exist!!-- if only words could move me so much.. how would reality and love in it affect?

times when you are not doing anything, just sitting blankly listlessly and you get a call from someone you've been hoping or wishing to talk to someone, or some long lost thing turns up in front of your eyes(it was always there but you never noticed), or some long forgotten tune enters your mind and you keep humming it and you rush to hear the whole song, or some idea creeps in and you sit toiling till you've given shape to that idea.. how sudden impulses change your whole day....


words and silences,
the night sky and those rare sunrises,
drizzles and storms- rains,
wild flowers and green mountains,
they'll make me a believer....
anytime, anywhere..


11th may '07

Requiem for a Dream

i saw this movie on 29th april '07..
it disturbed. quite enough.

requiem for a dream-

requiem

requiem [rékwi əm, rékwi em]
(plural requiems) or Requiem [rékwi əm, rékwi em] (plural Requiems)
noun
1. Roman Catholic service for dead: a Roman Catholic mass held to offer prayers for somebody who has died
2. music for requiem: a piece of music written to accompany a requiem mass
3. commemorative music: a piece of music written to commemorate somebody who has died


[14th century. < Latin , 'rest', in Requiem aeternam dona eis Domine 'Grant them eternal rest, O Lord']

dream

dream [dreem]
noun (plural dreams)
1. sequence of mental images during sleep: a sequence of images that appear involuntarily to the mind of somebody who is sleeping, often a mixture of real and imaginary characters, places, and events
2. daydream: a series of images, usually pleasant ones, that pass through the mind of somebody who is awake
3. something hoped for: something that somebody hopes, longs, or is ambitious for, usually something difficult to attain or far removed from present circumstances
4. idle hope: an idea or hope that is impractical or unlikely ever to be realized
5. vague state: a state of inattention owing to preoccupation with thoughts or fantasies
walks around in a dream

6. something beautiful: somebody or something that seems particularly good-looking or wonderful


a painful experience. watching the movie that is. i dont know what hit me. its horrible to see people going crazy chasing wild dreams and then those dreams dying pulling those people along. a multiple death. of dreams and people. of souls that have been spent on dreaming. dreams can change life, they can make it die. addiction is the biggest harm you can do to yourself. addiction kills. addiction strips you down to mere banal flesh and bone and need.
sarah needs to lose weight so that she can look good on television which is because she thinks being on tv will make her more likeable and dispel the loneliness and age shrouding her. so she takes pills blindly and turns up a vegetable.
harry loses his left hand because of dope. he loses marion
ty n marion are stripped of dignity and life because of the same.
addiction is crazy kill.
i dont want to get addicted to anything.
i'm quitting. i'm trying desperately to quit. i will try badly to quit. smoking is injurious to health, i know that, dont i?

people die and their dreams die along with them.
dreams die and drag along people into that vortex of doom, death and misery.
a requiem for a dream. a service for those dead dreams. a requiem, a requiem.. just a requiem- for those who died, for those dreams that died and killed.


now the movie trivia~
Director:Darren Aronofsky
Writers:Hubert Selby Jr. (novel)Hubert Selby Jr. (screenplay) ...
Release Date:27 October 2000 (USA)
Genre:Crime / Drama
Tagline:From the director of [Pi]
Plot Outline:The hopes and dreams of four ambitious people are shattered when their drug addictions begin spiraling out of control.
Awards:Nominated for Oscar. Another 19 wins & 30 nominations
User Comments:Punishing and Unforgettable

Cast: Ellen Burstyn ... Sara Goldfarb

Jared Leto ... Harry Goldfarb

Jennifer Connelly... Marion Silver

Marlon Wayans ... Tyrone C. Love

Christopher McDonald ... Tappy Tibbons

for more goto : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180093/

Thursday, May 10, 2007

rains...

this was written on 16th april '07.. when the sky had turned cloudy enough to allow me to hope that rains are on their way.. but of course i was being over- optimistic...

i wish it would rain.
it would be raining so bad you cant see the person standing next to you, cant see the imperfections, the fallacies, the mistakes and the wrongs.
it would rain so incessantly that you would flow away in its rhythm willing yourself to get lost in those wild torrents that threaten to suck you out of the ever widening void between you and the world around you.. like a leaf that drops from a branch and travels in the paths led by a wild wind and gets thrown away madly in the gale and yet seems to be enjoying its new found freedom- separated from its home, the tree.. yet that exhiliration to be swinging wildy, loose from shackles that bind you... let the wind play havoc with you,let it drag you away to places unknown, lands unexplored, let the raindrops siphon away all the remnants unwanted, let it whip you with such force that you feel every obliterating cobweb has been removed, only your unscarred soul -- helpless surrender to a greater force that promises you a freedom.a freedom albeit twisted and turned by its giver.. the wind made me free, i must follow its will..
would you be my wind? would you be my passionate wind??


rain rain please come my away.. drag me away..